Mealtime: a 9 Step How-To from Pook

Mealtime has become quite the scene. My routine is predictable and goes something like this:

  1. Mom lays out 3-4 foods on tray. One is recognizable. One or two are something new. One is cheese. Immediately dispose of everything that isn’t recognizable or cheese.
  2. Drink from sippy cup voraciously, as if you haven’t had fluids in days. Gasp for breath at the end. Launch sippy cup to floor.
  3. Shovel handfuls of favorite foods into mouth with rapid succession. Continue for 30-45 seconds. Quickly switch from tray-to-mouth transport to tray-to-floor sequence. Smash or crumble each handful thoroughly prior to discarding pieces onto floor. This works especially well with muffins.
  4. Inhale 10-12 bites of yogurt or other spoon-fed foods. If greater than 5 seconds separates each bite, initiate pterodactyl screech. Suddenly develop great interest in spoon, and insist on feeding self.
  5. Grow tired of feeding self, and spike spoon on the floor football-style.
  6. Indicate completion of meal by swiping arms back and forth through food, windshield wiper style.
  7. Rip off bib with great vigor. Swipe this through food as well.
  8. Attempt to rip off shirt. Become angry after discovering shirt is not “tear-away” style.
  9. Insist that Mom remove shirt. Breathe a sigh of relief at this new found freedom of shirtlessness.

     

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