Mealtime has become quite the scene. My routine is predictable and goes something like this:
- Mom lays out 3-4 foods on tray. One is recognizable. One or two are something new. One is cheese. Immediately dispose of everything that isn’t recognizable or cheese.
- Drink from sippy cup voraciously, as if you haven’t had fluids in days. Gasp for breath at the end. Launch sippy cup to floor.
- Shovel handfuls of favorite foods into mouth with rapid succession. Continue for 30-45 seconds. Quickly switch from tray-to-mouth transport to tray-to-floor sequence. Smash or crumble each handful thoroughly prior to discarding pieces onto floor. This works especially well with muffins.
- Inhale 10-12 bites of yogurt or other spoon-fed foods. If greater than 5 seconds separates each bite, initiate pterodactyl screech. Suddenly develop great interest in spoon, and insist on feeding self.
- Grow tired of feeding self, and spike spoon on the floor football-style.
- Indicate completion of meal by swiping arms back and forth through food, windshield wiper style.
- Rip off bib with great vigor. Swipe this through food as well.
- Attempt to rip off shirt. Become angry after discovering shirt is not “tear-away” style.
- Insist that Mom remove shirt. Breathe a sigh of relief at this new found freedom of shirtlessness.